The pet self-esteem loop

I think I might be too focused on getting Marlowe's approval. What's particularly rough about this is that he's a cat, so he approves of pretty much nothing. Even when we feed him or give him treats he still has this look on his face like he's doing US a favor by eating it.

I have two cats - Marlowe and Webster. Webster is a sweet cat who avoids us during the day and jumps up in bed with us at night to cuddle. Marlowe is very handsome (and I suspect he knows it) and does adorable things like fetching (when HE feels like it...), but he is not a cuddler. And that only makes me crave his love even more.

I blame him. He's sending mixed messages. Sure, he's struggling to get away when I hold him, and jumps out of my arms as soon as he can. But the whole time he's doing that, he's purring. What's a girl to think?

But every once in awhile, Marlowe decides he can deign to sit near or even on me, and I take ridiculous pleasure in it. Earlier I was laying on the couch, and he curled up behind my knees. It was so nice that I held completely still for over and hour, even though my couch is terribly uncomfortable, because I didn't want him to leave. The whole time I was thinking how special I was because HE was cuddling with ME.

And then when he left, I felt bad, rejected. I was rejected by a cat. Ouch.